Winter Wonderland

It has been long.

The changes I've experienced, the transition in my company. I work. I have the same friends. I exhibit the same laziness. But I have a different take to life as a whole. Simply because of the past few weeks.

The first day I worked, honestly, I was pissed at the people who came to eat supper till 1 in the morning. I mean, seriously? You're hungry so you come to the beach in the early dawn of the morning to eat? Isn't that what midnight snacks are for? But the few days that I worked, opened up a whole new demographic to me of the night life. One I never knew existed here. The families who come, they're really tight. The friends, really fun. And the drunken tourists...

Every night, there would be something new to me. Like those who drink but are ashamed of it. Granted, serving would welcome the occassional rude and grumpy diners. But the beauty of it, the other diners who really appreciate the food and your service. And of course, the guys.

I simply cannot believe I found him. Honestly, I can't say that it's fate. I saw him once, and he works at the same beach? So, coincedence. Forget him, there's the other one. I think he likes my sister. The first shift we had together, I can tell he was shocked to see a girl working. But I guess now he can be the older brother I never had. He's nice. Oh yeah, the older guy. He comes and chats. I can't believe he said to my dad, "If she was older, I would have swept her off." He's nice.

So it's December. I haven't been consistent in my work. My body clock is totally screwed and I'm still in the same time zone. It's just that when I'm at home at 1 in the morning, I can't sleep becaue my body is thinking that at that time, I should be serving people food. And I wake up at noon. Plus, my appetite's all weird too. I blame it on the unfavourable dishes. Or the messed up meal times. Oh, I am ruined!

Okay, so this has been my life, summed up from the middle of holidays. Let me get cracking on the nutrition in plants.

Auf Wiedersehen

Es tut mir leid.

Danke, for keeping your promise, but I knew from the start it would never be.
So, I hope you enjoyed them and lch liebe dich all the more because you have been a gift to me.
Alles Gute zum Geburtstag.

Auf wiedersehen, lch liebe dich.

Thank You

I started thinking. This bear, he lies on the very bed I lay every night for the past 3 years. So, this is for you.

Thank you,

for knowing that I love to read and buying me a book for my birthday... which I threw away.

for thinking of me while you were having fun in Perth on the prefects' trip and getting me a clock... which I threw away.

for knowing I'm a girl and would want jewellery and giving me a necklace... which I returned.

for trying to be romantic and writing a valentine for me... which I tore.

for understanding where I am and trying to be who I want you to be... whom I didn't appreciate.

for thinking of me when you picked out jersey numbers and fighting for the number 5... which is still my favourite.

for being the best boyfriend and getting me a bear with flowers which said "Best Girlfriend"... which is still on my bed.

I'm sorry, I didn't know what love was. You always said you loved me because I was pretty, intelligent and really nice. I was. I liked you because you were charming; you're the lucky guy who had looks, built and charm. But I was luckier. I got you. You chose me. I was happy. Then I knew things would change. So I changed it first, and lost you. I'm sorry. People said you were really sad, but I'm so sorry!

I'm sorry,

for missing your birthday party and made you sad.

for never getting you anything for your birthday.

for acting like I knew everything when I was just afraid.

for giving up on us, just when you started to grow on me.

for leaving without a goodbye.

for pushing you out of my life in every way possible.

I am sorry.

I don't know if I regret, but you probably don't like me now, wherever you are. You still are good-looking. You look older. I wonder what would have happened if we stayed. But I'm better off safe, right?

Mr Brightside

Sometimes, I wonder.

We trekked past a bunch of lalangs at OBS. I took one and tried; I had forgotten. Does it mean I've forgotten him? The one thing I remember vividly is his face, not even his voice. And I try every day, I should just stop. I'm barely 15.

I don't really know why but I get 8 hours of sleep every night and I doze off during Biology or English. Is there something wrong with me? I try to sleep during the day too but all I got was Syahirah telling me to stop sleeping. I'm closer to Haifaa now, somehow. It's a good thing. The team has started complaining. When will there be a time there's complete unity?

Irfan asked me out last Saturday; to an airshow. I still feel bad that he went alone. Sometimes, some things just aren't worth passing on. Instead, I went to lunch with Syahirah downtown, and to town with my mom's French friends. It was pretty cool.

Monday, we played volleyball. It was pretty fun. Amanda turned 15. I would've celebrated if it wasn't with our class. I think she's changed, Adela. She used to care, now she doesn't. And she only does when she feels guilty. Now I get the gist of what they were lecturing us about; just because they're in the team, it does not qualify their position among us, so who do they think they are to act superior with us?

I've learned 2 things. Firstly, the one thing greater than your parents' disappointment in your failure, is yours. Secondly, secrets can never be kept safely within a family. They're your family, just tell them instead of running away with a pack of lies. Maybe it's more complicated than that. Maybe I'll learn to learn.

I don't feel like colour-coding my paragraphs. Do I feel black and white today?